GYG Review: "Mass Effect"

[Grant]

Hi guys! It's Grant back again with a review of "Mass Effect" for the Xbox 360. Hope you guys all enjoy!

MASS EFFECT
Publisher: Bioware / Microsoft
Adjusted Score: 3/5


I've discovered through repeated trial and error that most of my game reviews end up reading a lot better when they're chock-full of disdain for the subject at hand. The fact is, gaming reviews are frequently a mixed bag, and going into a title you frequently have little or no idea of what you're going to encounter. Play a good game? That's fantastic, so why don't you go stick your head in the oven? Because most people only want the news when it's bad, which makes this aspect of my writing career the most difficult of all in which to please someone.

Due entirely to a completely unexpected rash of good games of late, I haven't really had much grist to fuel the mill of hatred that lives within my heart, and while I'm somewhat disappointed to report that Bioware's "Mass Effect" is mostly a fun, playable game... I'm also happy to report that there are a few Bioware programmers I wouldn't mind pasting upside the head with a fungo bat.

But first, let's get the boring stuff out of the way.

If you liked "Knights of the Old Republic", and I believe for the most part the praise heaped upon it was rightfully placed, you really should have no difficulty at all finding much to like about Mass Effect. You're playing the role of one Commander Shepherd, cruising through the universe in your ship, seeking out new life, new civilizations, and new people to shoot in the nuts. Shepherd looks exactly like you want him (or her) to, because the customization features are pretty darned exhaustive. Of course, that assumes you enjoy customization features, which by and large I've found are most appealing to women and men that played with dolls behind closed doors a lot as children.

The voice acting of this game has reached a notable high-water mark, and shares a lot in common with "Bioshock" in that regard. Of course, I also happen to be a big fan of sometimes-little-known character actors like Lance Henriksen and Keith David, so any opportunity to keep them off the bread line is always a nice bonus. But it's also notable that they don't voice this like a videogame, and I think only gamers know specifically what that means. By which I mean, they don't treat this like it's a bullshit piece of fluff that warrants absolutely none of their attention to detail, and exists solely as a means to a meager paycheck with which they will mail off this month's Jag payment. They take the tone seriously, and the game shines for it.

So now let's get into some of the bad elements of Mass Effect.

First of all, let's talk a bit about the plot. I don't go into a videogame expecting Shakespeare, although I will admit to being a bit spoiled by the well-executed and unique tales coming out of the Valley these days. Games like "God of War", "Shadows of the Colossus", and "Bioshock" have certainly set the bar for unique backdrops and locales. "Mass Effect"'s overall tone has the feel of a mid-season television pilot shot for the Sci-Fi network, and while I suppose that fact makes the already-stellar voice acting even more impressive, you often wonder whether the convoluted storyline is really heading anywhere. Recent comments from Bioware's developers have indicated that they have two more games planned for this series, but I can't for the life of me figure out what more they'll have to say, and I'm certainly not a big fan of overstaying your welcome after you've made a somewhat cohesive go at the first edition. That's how we got two more Matrix films than the world needed, and we all know how that ended.

Much has been made of the "dialogue tree" in this game, which requires a choice of emotion from a tree of commands to affect the storyline as you proceed. The problem, as I have noticed, is twofold. Number one, the major plot points are rarely all that influenced by your choices, which means you're still very much in an RPG on rails headed towards some kind of puzzle quest or real-time brawl. Second, I somewhat view the choice of "emotion" over actual choice of dialogue as a cop-out. It seems to me that someone somewhere decided that reading dialogue and choosing one to say was far too reminiscient of RPGs from the late 1980s, and I can certainly get behind the idea that "read first then hear Shepherd say it" is probably not a good solution. That said, this feels like a gimmicky grab that smacks of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. In essence, "Mass Effect" teeters between wanting the Gears of War and the Final Fantasy crowds at the same time, and the result is the sloppy half-hearted fellation of both.

Wow, that analogy pretty much died. But you get my point.

I could keep going on and on about things that aren't perfect... so, okay, I will. The combat is something between real-time and turn-based, which isn't anything new to people who played KOTOR, but one can't help but wonder if this is really the best way to go about things. I don't want to beat a dead horse, but we end up right back where we were with the dialogue features, in that it tries to please both the hardcore RPG nut and the aforementioned pottymouthed teabagging Gears Of War "enthusiast"*, and ends up being something that both camps will find equally annoying.

I don't want to give you the impression that "Mass Effect" is a bad game, because it certainly has enough there to keep you occupied for a very long time. These days my patience for games is somewhat tempered by how much activity is involved, and I tend to subscribe to the philosophy that if a game can't be great it can, at very least, be long enough to keep you occupied. Sort of like if you order a meal at a restaurant and get a massive portion that isn't quite as good as you hoped... then you can say even though it sucks, at least it kept you well-fed.

I don't think "Mass Effect" sucks, but it certainly was hyped enough by the Microsoft Machine that you felt as if it were the RPG equivalent of "Gears of War". It's not. It's just slightly better than average. I'm inclined to believe that we all forgave Bioware a lot of transgressions for the KOTOR series over the years, if only because we were so accustomed to Star Wars games sucking so hard they turned the universe inside-out that when something even passably good showed up we treated it like a Special Ed student that saved a cat from a burning treehouse. Our standards couldn't have possibly been much lower, so it was natural that we gave them all a silver medal for showing up on time and having their shoes Velcroed correctly.

In any case, the game is well worth a rental, but it's going to ultimately be up to you whether or not it's worth full price to purchase. I can't say it's for me, but then again I wasn't sitting around clamoring for more half-baked science-fiction trilogies after George Lucas kicked me in the beanbag three times between 1999 and 2005.


* This is a euphemism for "13 year-old douchey dickbag."

[Peench]

I like euphemisms. Good stuff. Thanks!

[The Milk Man 09]

I respectfully disagree, of coarse I went into this game expecting a bioware RPG and that is what this is, I didn't listen to the hype and maybe part of your score is because it didn't live up to expectations in your opinion, you really should have played through a second time and done everything not just the main mission so you could write a review.

[Grant]

Originally Posted by The Milk Man 09

I respectfully disagree, of coarse I went into this game expecting a bioware RPG and that is what this is, I didn't listen to the hype and maybe part of your score is because it didn't live up to expectations in your opinion, you really should have played through a second time and done everything not just the main mission so you could write a review.

While I can certainly appreciate that you loved it, I must respectfully disagree with your disagreement of my disagreement. Ment. Agree.

To suggest that game reviews are somehow invalid if the reviewer hasn't done all the meaningless sidequest minutiae is tantamount to saying that a movie review is invalid if the reviewer hasn't watched the director's commentary and all the deleted scenes. The programmers of this game certainly sandwiched enough content into the main storyline to afford me a good look at what's going on, and I never once said this game wasn't good. It is, in fact, good, solid and playable... it just wasn't GREAT, and I'd dare say my opinion of the title won't be helped by a second playthrough.

The fact is, gaming review is an inexact science, and I really shouldn't have to discuss much more than my experiences with prior Bioware software to assure you that I know what they're up to. I give them karma points for stepping outside the Star Wars universe for their big epic release, but they weren't exactly reinventing the wheel. Again, not saying you won't like it, but just because I didn't doesn't mean I'm less of a man. The fact that I wear boxer-briefs, however, does.

Anyway, this will be the one and only time I defend something I've written. I haven't the time or energy to explain my motivation, so if you disagree... what can I tell you? Even Roger Ebert can be a f*ckhead sometimes.

[grife]

reviews are no more and no less an expounded upon and scored opinion. read it, consume the content and determine if the subject is worth your time only by investigating multiple reviews. if you then agree, great you will probably trust the reviewer again. if not you should continue to look elsewhere. I happen to say anyone who gives a mediocre review on anything is 10 times more trustworthy than gamespot or the suchlike.

[The Milk Man 09]

I am just saying that for this one the story line isn't the whole game. I could probably run through it doing the bare minimum in about 10 to 15 hours at most. At least tell me that you landed on a planet that wasn't part of the main story.

[AlphaQ GehaD]

First off i'd Like to say i enjoyed your review and you made valid points, especially about the fighting which more annoys me at times then thrills me, if it was any style like gears i would be PWNING the damn biotic asari hoes that come at me. And i also noticed the exact thing that they show emotions as different dialog but then lead to the same freaking NPC Dialogue..maybe they take it in a different way and respond in a different tone but it all ends the same.

One thing i do agree with Milk man is that the side missions give you the real dialogue choices that affects things, and most your paragon and especially renegade can come from those. Shooting or socking the stuffing out of a crazy mans head, talking hard and all that is present and has various effects in the side assignments. But they are usually useless to the plot, and just gives you more backround, sometimes little things are connected but not really important to progress.

Posted by Milky Way

you really should have played through a second time and done everything not just the main mission so you could write a review.

you dont only read one review and anything added other than a major websites review is openly (actually gladly) welcomed. I see many reviews in magazines that give full praise and i play it to see its garbage or just boring, then i see reviews (remembering Shadowrun) that said it sucked, But i loved it and still have the urge to pop it in till this day. I dont think reviewers have enough time to play the whole game, All i want to know from reviews is to get a good idea on if im gonna Buy, Rent or wait and buy at a cheaper price. If he played the side missions and all that and then did a review it would have taken a hell of a long time to finish, and people like ME would bug him that the review came out way too late.

But I got GYG so things are sweet, and Im still waiting on an Assassins Creed review...Cough it up Grant!

[dmiller68]

I haven't played it enough yet to have a good opinion but I'm heading down your path. The game had toooo much hipe for what it is. I have to say I got a little bored playing it and went on to one of the other 15 games that have come out in the last couple months.

[Lord Geoff]

Thanks for the review! I am a fan of the game, so it is always interesting to see other people's opinions of it. Well written and funny! Good jerb.