18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have

[Lord Sam]

I heard this list on Thw Herd with Colin Cowherd and it is an article from Men's Health Magazine.

I don't agree with all of them, but I thought it was kind of interesting. So, which ones are you guilty of?

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork, this magazine.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop..."

So mine would be #4 (I assume 360 thumb falls under this), #12, #14, probably #16.

[AlphaQ GehaD]

If one person applies to all these factors, that guy is indeed missing out in life is probably a boring character...or individual, Characters are for people like Litch & Pickle, Same became a character to me as soon as i seen that picture of him holding that sign in front of his store lmao.

Sorry most of us here dont abide by that list, except maybe Zoom but even he Quotes movies from time to time...I also have reason to believe he has Code words...not only for ugly women but annoying children.

[Snake1399]

they forgot #19:

#19: a grown man shouldn't have a list of things a magazine tells them not to do

p.s.- nerf hoops rule!

[D_Litch]

There is nothing wrong with #14. "Moped" is a staple of American sub-culture.

[Causedawg 83]

Awesome. #19 is my favorite.


I've got number 5, number 12, and number 17.

Hey, who doesn't quote Caddyshack?? Actually, I'd much rather quote Fletch any day.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses."

[2Times]

Originally Posted by Snake1399

they forgot #19:

#19: a grown man shouldn't have a list of things a magazine tells them not to do

p.s.- nerf hoops rule!

I was thinking the same thing when I was reading the list. Damn you snake for stealing my thunder.

Snake, Snake, SNAAAAAKE!!!! - Is quoting video games ok?

[pickleL7]

Sam WTF?Did you have to to go to the dentist this week?I know the last time I took a look at Men's Health Magazine.I was waiting for my name to be called at my dentist

So I said to the cop,The name of my penis is pickle
He asked me how I got the black eye
I told him I got it from a friend that came over to my house and took my last beer
The cop said ''wow just for that" no I also called his wife Fugly
I then snatched back the beer and opened it with my favorite bottle opener that says ''24 Hours in a day,24 beers in a case...cowincedents?"He then asked me for some more cash to buy some beer, I said sure I reached under my futon and came up with a $1.29 and a hand full of hair.He then called me The Dude as he made is way out the door.As I sat and waited, I tossed some old sox's in to my Nerf hoop cuz I used the ball to wash my dishes a few days back.About 5 minutes passed and my friend came back,he told me that they would not sell him the beer cuz he had no ID.This was a problem cuz I lost my wallet a few week back and had no Id as well.then I remembered that I had a old passport.Sweet....With couple of high fives and knuckle taps I was out the door.On my way into the store I bumped in to a kid and he spilled his coca cola slurpee on my Lucky shirt and then he called me a fag.I know I could have kicked the crap out of the little kids,cuz my fith grade Karate teacher told me I was good, and if I kept with it one day I could go to the Olympic but I did not want to take the time,I needed beer and I needed it now.With the $1.29 I had and my friends put in 2.50 all I could get were a few 40 ouncer.I paid for my beers and I was on my way. I could not wait to get home to drink my beer so I opened mine on the the way and thats when I ran into the cop.The fist thing he asked me was my name,I told him the name he asked my for some ID,I gave him my old passport he asked me if there was any other way he could get a hold of me so I gave him my email [email]hookedonafeeling@hotmail.com.He then maid me pour my beer out and sent me on my way.I walk into door to my house my friend ask what took me so long,I told him the story and we split the beer in a couple of chuckey cheese cups that I stole a few weeks back cuz I liked the mouse picture

[ZoomZoom71]

Originally Posted by Nolimit4show

I also have reason to believe he has Code words...not only for ugly women but annoying children.

If you were playing RSV2 last week, you would have heard one...

"Cleanup on Aisle A1, please."

[Lord Sam]

Originally Posted by pickleL7

So I said to the cop,The name of my....

Dude, that whole thing was the funniest thing I've read all year. Mark it down, best post of 2008!!!!!

[pickleL7]

Originally Posted by Lord Sam

Dude, that whole thing was the funniest thing I've read all year. Mark it down, best post of 2008!!!!!

No Sam,most people might read the first three line's and stop cuz they cant get past my Punctuation but thanks man

[Stewii Griffin]

Originally Posted by Lord Sam

Dude, that whole thing was the funniest thing I've read all year. Mark it down, best post of 2008!!!!!

Plus very few grammar mistakes.
maid = made
cowincedents = cowincedence
and missing about 40 periods. LOL
Funny story though after knowing you for a few months I'd almost believe that it is true.

Pickle if you try a program called firefox instead of internet explorer, Firefox will uderline the misspelled word in red. you might want to try it out.
Firefox web browser | Faster, more secure, & customizable
But then again I don't want to ruin everyone else's fun.

[pickleL7]

Thank you Stewii but I just dont care that much