Vampire Rain (Xbox 360)
By:
Keezy “I know your family was murdered at the ODC Massacre, where Vampires took over and killed people, and you were the only survivor… but I was just wondering what time it is.”
Welcome to City E-9, where a Vampire infestation has run rampant. Anyone you know could be, and probably is, a vampire. You are a special operative in the AIB (American Intelligence Bureau) sent to rid the generic-named city of its infestation. Lucky for you, it is raining tonight, which apparently really messes with the Nightwalker’s senses. Essentially rain is an AI killer or something. As the intro movie so wonderfully puts it, “This watchdog agency has grown some teeth, and it is time to BITE!” Hard to the core! Let the records show that during this moment, the camera changes to the desk about 2 seconds before he slams his fist down. I’ll have some wine with that cheese, thanks. From here on out, it is a comedy of errors that only leaves you wishing that it really was raining, and that vampires really would come and put you out of your misery.
General Gameplay
Wow. Gameplay? I thought maybe this was just a tech demo demonstrating the SuckEngyn from Crapperton, Inc. You think I’m kidding. I’m not. The gameplay in this is lame. It draws a little too much from Metal Gear Solid and Splinter Cell. But there are vampires! And rain! Oh, right. Nevermind then.
The controls are mapped weird. X enables/holsters your weapon and B is action. That’s not bad, but this is. A is jump and Y is crouch/prone. When you want to go up, you better hit down (A) and vice versa. L switches weapons, R fires, LB sticks you to a wall (but only walls deemed stick-able by the developers, or maybe the throw of dice, I’m not sure) and RB reloads weapons. The sticks are responsive enough, but aren’t anything special. Jump feels very awkward too, and there isn’t much point to it, aside from climbing ledges. Speaking of sneaking and climbing ledges… it takes forever! You move very slowly when up against a wall, or hanging from a ledge. It is simply a looped animation of you moving along.
One of the things the bothered me right away about this game is the stop and go crap it pulls. Here’s an example:
[have control] You come up to a door with a lock on it
[no control] Camera zooms out, and your team shows up. You try the door, but it doesn’t open. Oh, the lock! You are told to shoot it.
[have control] You aim and shoot the lock.
[no control] The lock falls off, and you are applauded by your team, and told to open it to claim your prize.
[have control] You open the door.
[no control] Your team decides to split up and meet later.
[have control] You enter the door and the rain sounds stop completely the second you enter the door.
Pretty much every time you were “taught” how to do something, it did this. The above taught you how to aim and shoot, and how to pass through sound proof window frames. The only thing I learned at this point was how to control my anger.
The gameplay basically consists of you trying to avoid the Nightwalkers at all costs. You have to sneak around them, and go from point to point on maps, taking care of certain objectives and so on. Be careful though, if they see you, you
only have 3-5 seconds to get out of their sight, or they realize that they are seeing something suspicious and attack. Clearly these fools have a calling to be Refs in the NFL. If you fall asleep playing or something, and get noticed, you’re pretty much done for. Two hits from a Nightwalker, and you’re done.
The Nightwalkers are pretty tough to take down too. In the tight corridors of the alleyways, you have no chance. They run at you, take you down with the first hit and kill you with the second. Amazing! You’ll have to use Necrovision to discern the vampires from regular civilians. Necrovision is a mode similar to night vision (also included) where Vampires show orange, while everyone else shows green. There are also Vampires that show up as yellow, and those vampires are vampire leaders. If you kill them, the other, lesser vampires around them will die. Once you have “scanned” a vampire, they show up on the radar with a cone of vision, just like this snake-eating spy fellow I know. Lame salad.
The voice acting and cheese-ball ways of the game do nothing to add to it. Maybe they were going for a B-movie feel, but it came off as simply being incompetent. The back-story is forced down your throat. Characters ask stupid questions, or use statements like “I know your family was murdered at the ODC Massacre, where Vampires took over and killed people, and you were the only survivor… but I was just wondering what time it is.” That’s an exaggeration, but a very very small one.
Tech Specs
HD? Dolby Digital? News to me! This looks like an OG Xbox game. Lame textures and shadows. The falling rain looks cool on the ground, but it could be nothing more than an animated GIF file for all I know. About the only good thing going for this game are the decent (looking) cut-scenes. Those are, of course, ruined by the voice acting and forced unraveling of back-story. When the vampires die, they turn into a flat pool of water that bubbles. Apparently when you kill them, you kill the 3rd dimension of them, and they turn into 2D bubbles. Horrific!
Its crappy looks are only matched by the sounds of the game. Apparently it only rains in front of you the whole time, as there was no rain sounds coming from my surrounds. The only thing I found that would make a sound in the surrounds was electrical conduits, which are littered about the otherwise generic and empty rooftops. Sweet.
Game Rage
The game is basically trial and error. Find a way to get from point A to point B without getting killed by super strong vampires. If a vampire sees you and there is nowhere to run, you’re done for. The biggest rage comes from just how crappy this game is. This rage-inducing issue is actually advertised on the front cover. In big, bright numbers, it says “$69.99”
Butt Groove
None. If you can play this for more than 20 minutes at a time, you win, but really, you lose too.
Bedtime Rating
After you die, you are treated to a death animation where your face is bitten off and blood is sprayed. It should also be noted that if you or anyone watching is offended by utter garbage, this game will have horrendous effects on you.
Achievements
Almost all online achievements. Not original at all.
Multiplayer
Funny story… I went to play multiplayer, and there were
three matches going on. Most game-types had none, one had 1 round and another had 2 rounds. Luckily quick match worked ok. Multiplayer is just a crappy as SP. There is a mode called Death or Nighwalkers which is deathmatch, except you can switch between being a Nightwalker and being a human. However, once you turn into a Nightwalker, you cannot switch back to being a human unless you die. Everyone just switches to the Nightwalkers, as it is a 2-3 hit kill. Color me
bored.
Conclusion
This game is a waste of time. Thanks! Crappy graphics, gameplay and story doom this title from the start. If you find yourself about to buy this, or even rent it, just mail me a check for either $60 or $5, respectively.
Category Rankings General Gameplay 
Tech Specs Game Rage Butt Groove Bedtime Rating Achievements Multiplayer Overall Couch Count: 1 out of 5, unless we're measuring in suck. In that case, 20 out of 5 
