[WILTRON]

I actually received this game from a marketing company for free when it was released with the caveat that I write a review for it to "create buzz". I was a man of my word, though the "buzz" may not have been what they were looking for. Here's the text:

With all the 360 video gaming goodness coming down the pike, Vampire Rain was not even on the radar. However, I was (un)fortunate enough to be given a copy to review and I tried to put aside any preconceived notions about it.

Storyline:The premise is the basic Vampires taking over the world scenario with the added twist being your 4 man covert ops team being sent in to clear out a city. Of course, there's one big bad vampire you're trying to get to. If you can get to him, everything will return to normal and the world will be free again ... etc. Certain other aspects of the story stand out as utterly ridiculous. One horribly drawn out and badly delivered character interaction reveals that people who grew up in a city infested with vampires inexorably feel compelled to stay there because they like the smell ... WTF? Even later, toward the end of the game, one of your partners claims she can smell it too. I think she smells the suck.
The game starts out on the wrong foot immediately naming the character you control "Lloyd". Heroic figures are not named Lloyd. Especially when the bad writers make the bad voice actors repeat it 3 times per transmission: "Lloyd, [pause] if we can get over to that door, Lloyd, we'll be able to sneak into the Prime Walker's house, Lloyd. Do you understand, Lloyd? Over." Even though you have a team of 4, Lloyd tends to get sent in alone most of the time to lessen the chances of being spotted. It's kind of like "OK, Lloyd, go in there and do all the work, we'll follow you afterward or pretend to go this other way and meet you at the end of the level".
The length and number of cut scenes make me think they were really trying to flesh it out. It's sad that the story is so awful and the voice acting is on par with the 1st Resident Evil (but not as funny).
Not all games require a good story. Maybe it'll be a graphical wonder that will leave me so awestruck that I'll forgive a silly or non-existent story? Read on.

Visuals: Even running at 1080i, there are only a few occasions where the game looks even marginally better than an OG Xbox game. The main character and his cohorts are modeled somewhat better than the rest. All 4 being Sam Fisher knock-offs. The vampires are just a sad sight to behold. You have to hearken back to the days where you forgave developers for using 4 polygons to model an arm because you knew the system severely limited their options ... there is no excuse in the days of the XBOX 360.
The main character's animations are ok but stiff. Vampires and other NPC's are truly awful. The environments are bland and uninspired. Crappy textures and even crappier blood spurt effects are commonplace. *Compliment Alert* The rain does occasionally look good.
Ok. There’s no story and it's ugly as a snaggle-toothed hooker. Maybe the sound effects are like the musings of angels as they prance in the clouds?

Sound Design: Nope. Sound effects are nothing to remember. Gunfire is quieter than the rain. Speaking of rain, if you're inside looking out an open door, it's silent. The moment you cross the threshold, the sound of a torrential downpour is turned on as if with a light switch. No gradual transition. The NPCs have nonsensical conversations that repeat themselves every 5 seconds. Standing outside of a room I heard this conversation in an endless loop:

It was so stupid it was funny and I had to have an XBL chat with a friend to share it. Good times.
No story. Ugly. Sounds crappy. Game play will make it all better. That's what everyone says. Combining stealth and vampire killing, how can you go wrong?

Game play: To start the game, you're given a pistol and a semi-auto machine gun. Both apparently filled with silver bullets. More than enough to take down a nightwalker or two, right? Wrong. You might as well be throwing spitballs at them. Your guns are worthless. Forget you have them. Rely on your stealth. If you are spotted, you're dead. Shoot all the bullets you want, there is no escape.
When you're seen, the nightwalkers will run at you like some sort of spaz. It's hard to see the jerky animation due to the weird blur/heat wave effects employed, but rest assured, when they arrive at your location, you are done for. Death animations are practically non-existent. You get swiped at by the vampire and you fall in a heap. Then you're treated to a stupid after-death animation of the vampire biting you. Total crap.
Somewhere in the neighborhood of Level 5, you get a sniper rifle that takes them down in a single shot. You spend 90% of the time on rooftops sniping off heads and start to think.. "Maybe this is where it gets fun!" ... WRONG! They take the sniper away from you immediately upon level completion. Back to your useless guns. They do it again with a powerful shotgun around level 8.
To make matters worse, there's no real stealth element at work here. It's all so random. I've walked right by a stationary vampire and he didn't even notice me. I've crouched in the shadows and been spotted from a block away. You can (slowly) cross pipes, crawl, scoot on ledges, take cover, etc... All the basic moves are represented, but none of it is fun. Nightvision: useless. Necrovision: useless. Your only survival technique? Trial and error. It's bad people.
As I got to level 10 and was subjected to the most ridiculously stupid boss fight ever, I considered giving this game a break if it ended right there. But noooo, not Vampire Rain. It couldn't end where it was supposed to. I killed "The Prime Walker" (oh brother), was subjected to 5 or 10 minutes of bad cut scenes and was plopped right back into another city level that looked like all the other city levels and was subjected to the same old shit. I don't think I can bear another night of Vampire Rain while everyone else yuks it up playing Gears or R6: Vegas. I don't think I'm going to finish this fight.

Multiplayer: So bad I don't even want to talk about it.

Summary: I could go on, but it's already been a huge waste of time for both you and I. Vampire Rain ... Sucks. I look forward to bringing good news about better games in the future. Forza2 is up next.

I've done it. 25 levels later, I've done it. I've completed Vampire Rain. I defy you to find another person on your FL with the 50 pt "Captain" Achievement. Sure JB and Haplo got the multiplayer achievements ... but not this one. There is not a single FAQ or walkthrough on the internet for this game. Even looking through all the other reviews I've read, none mention the stuff that shows up in the last 1/3 of the game. I don't think any other reviewers got past Level 10 or so. It is absolutely the worst game I have ever completed. I thought it would never end. Let me add to the review:

Boss Battles: Toward the end of the game, the boss battles become more frustrating than you can imagine. Here's one for an example:
You walk in the room and a dude gives you a long diatribe about a certain vampire ceremony that has never been seen by a human for eons, blah, blah, blah. You fade from the cutscene and he's standing on stage. You magically have a super-powerful sniper rifle that actually hurts him and can take out a regular Vampire with a no scope shot. So I snipe the main dude in the head twice. He covers his head and sends a wave or two of vampires running straight at you. No scope, no scope, no scope. Lather, rinse, repeat 7 to 10 times. After you get his screen-width lifebar down to nothing, he yells "rahr" and his life bar FREAKIN FILLS UP AGAIN! You then go through the same thing once more. Then he says "rahr, rahr" ... and IT FILLS UP AGAIN! At that point, he starts to fly around the level shooting fireballs at you and trying to kick you. You now have to snipe him while in mid-air. Mind you that up until this point, your guns have been mostly worthless and there hasn't been much opportunity to practice gunning on the move. After killing him, you're treated to corny cutscenes and eventually led by the assistant head Vampiress to what seems like the final prologue cutscene. But no ...
She starts turning her conversation toward being upset that I was going to kill her boss. At this point I realize it may not be over and start chanting "No ****ing way. don't do it. don't make me play any more. don't you ****ING do it!" but she did it. It was ascenario nearly as frustrating as the one I described in my previous paragraph. Unbelievable.

I don't know why I was compelled to complete this game. I do not recommend it for anyone, at anytime. Not for fun. Not for glory. Not for achievements. Not for anything.